As we work to tune client sales teams to become high performance forces in the market, we introduce the principles of influence which are the strongest when we are attempting to move (a.k.a. persuade) others.
Constant in our conversations is the distinct and clear boundary between manipulation and persuasion. To persuade is to move ethically. To manipulate is unethical.
When we persuade, we use insight, exercise sound judgment, are genuine, authentic and honest. To manipulate, the opposite occurs.
It is our belief that manipulation tactics are at the heart of the “less than ethical” effect that is connected with those of us in “sales”. Counter to this “label” is the truth – most professional sales people are ethical and work to persuade.
To manipulate, when done by a real “pro” is hard to detect. Many times the manipulator shows up as someone not in “sales”. In their work, strategy researchers Ithai Stern and James Westphal surveyed and interviewed thousands of members of the corporate élite. In their interviews they asked CEO’s, board members and top executives how they got away with ingratiating without making others suspicious of their motives.
The found the following seven consistent strategies to be common:
1. Framing flattery as likely to make us uncomfortable: Prefacing comments with disclaimers like,
“You are going to hate me for saying this but.. or You are going to not like me for saying this but..”
Why is this used? If the aim is to manipulate by exercising the principle of Liking by issuing a complement, the manipulator disguises his motives by diverting our attention – when complemented we expect to feel good, not bad. Also the manipulator wants to appear modest.
2. Framing flattery as advice-seeking: We see this one a lot. We all feel great when we are sought out for our advice and wisdom. We immediately like those who come to us for advice which opens up to be manipulated. Not all seekers of advice are manipulators but there are those among us who are. Just be aware.
3. Praising us to our friends: Manipulators know that obvious flattery is viewed as “brown-nosing” and therefore will not help them accomplish their goal of manipulation. More subtle and manipulative is to issue the flattery to others, which will eventually find its way back to us. Humans find this second-hand flattery meaningful. It opens up to be manipulated.
4. Arguing before agreeing: Immediate agreement is viewed as “sucking up” so the manipulator will first disagree then agree which appears to be genuine – “ok (insert the person being manipulated), I see your point and now agree…”
5. Aligning to our opinion after learning about it from someone else: This one shows up frequently – through a previous conversation with someone other that the compliance target (aka person targeted by the manipulator) we learn of their opinion. In a subsequent conversation on the topic with the compliance target we pronounce a similar opinion. We don’t know how the manipulator formed their opinion but are drawn to them (and more likely to believe in what they say) because of a shared belief.
6. Endorsing our values before flattering or agreeing: Shared values and beliefs are powerful elements of the principle of Liking. Stating a personal belief that aligns with the compliance target leaves the target for manipulation. When we find someone who shares a personal belief we are venerable and are less likely to doubt the next thing the manipulator will say.
7. Referencing a common group before flattering or agreeing: Familiarity is a key component of the principle of Liking. As on top executive put it, “..it helps build trust so you can be more convincing.”
In their study, Stern and Westphal found that these manipulative tactics work. Those using them garnered significant benefits.
We must all be on guard for the manipulator – both the internal and external. As Robert Cialdini says in his book Influence, “I am at war with the exploiters—we all are.”
All the best and much success……..
